Spirituality, Liturgy and the Tao of Inner Peace
Lately I have been struggling with God’s call on my life. Things have been changing all around me, my job in jeopardy, my life in flux. When my friends asked me how I was feeling about everything, I was quick to point out that I had “faith” and that “God would work it out.” I even thought to myself “you finally got it!” faith, and belief that God will work it out!! Then it starts to storm (metaphorically) and that faith seems to get a little weaker….
As the days rolled on what I thought might be a career issue developed into gotta get a new job really soon. All the sudden I found myself much like I imagine Jonah …. Nineveh?? Right now? That place is crazy. I can’t go right now! God that takes time, and I am not ready, and what good could I do there?? Funny how our plan is nothing like God’s plan and it is certainly not on the same time table. I am reminded of the scripture “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet..” a lamp? Just a lamp on my feet….why not a beacon? OR a strobe light into the future? I suppose that he knows we would never look to him or develop our faith if we had a sunshiny path. LOL We must look to him each step we take, we must patiently wait for his plan to unfold before us, that is what I am learning. I have to trust and believe and wait…
I found myself frantically on my computer looking for anything – everything filling out applications (which by the way if you haven’t done this recently … they are full blown AUDITIONS!). One Sunday afternoon I found myself anxious and on the brink of a migraine not even able to listen as my son was trying to tell me a story…and in a small soft voice God said…well you are not trusting me at all…you are just running around like a chicken with your head cut off (getting on the first boat out of town!!). It struck me hard I was doing exactly what I had just recently proclaimed to NOT be doing. I wasn’t trusting, in true Cameron fashion I was “controlling” the situation. I was not looking to the heavens for anything I was not having faith not even the size of a mustard seed! Much like Paul writes why must I continue to do the thing I hate?
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” Romans 7:15-20
Interesting thing is once I heard his voice and l knew what I had done, much like when Jonah realizes he can’t run from God, I was at peace again. My work is much better and several opportunities have come my way, not sure exactly where it will all go – I just have enough light for my footsteps and I am trying to rely not on my strength but His. Can you relate? I hope so, I know there must be others who have done this same thing.
“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalms 119:105
What I do know is that God has given me a heart for him, a passion to spread the news of God’s unconditional, unending love, and I know I want to leave this place we call earth having made a difference in the lives of those around me. I know that I am a joy spreader! Yep that’s right God made me to spread joy wherever I go…just what I do. Rarely ever will you see me that I am not smiling and making people laugh – it is my greatest joy.
I ask for your prayers as I walk in faith ….
Enjoy some pictures from my garden…just like me it’s still GROWING.