Episcopal Lotus Flower in Bloom

Spirituality, Liturgy and the Tao of Inner Peace

Perpetually Failing….


O God our King, by the resurrection of your Son Jesus Christ on the first day of the week, you conquered sin, put death to flight, and gave us the hope of everlasting life: Redeem all our days by this victory; forgive our sins, banish our fears, make us bold to praise you and to do your will; and steel us to wait for the consummation of your kingdom on the last great Day; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Something I am all to accustomed to doing over and over.  This week seems I am failing more that usual.  Do you ever do that?  You know just about the time you feel like “I have got this life thing going ON!” I am praying, I am meditating, I am getting the kids to school with breakfast AND brushed hair!  That’s about the time everything starts falling apart.  Same way with the things I think I have emotionally and spiritually conquered. I have learned my lesson Lord I have got this!  Then here comes the very thing I have learned to remove from my life. strolling up like a cold ice cream cone on a summer day — and I am all over it!  WTH?  I had this!  Am I so dumb I cannot learn one single lesson?  I am reminded of Matthew 26:41 “…the spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak”  NKJV http://biblehub.com/matthew/26-41.htm  “He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”

If our own Lord and Savior fought with what he must do, why should I fall apart when humanly I fail.  I began to think of that, as I tortured myself with struggling with the same old short comings.  Paul writes in Romans 7:15 “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” ESV  http://biblehub.com/romans/7-15.htm
I know that all to well.  Do you?  But as I was giving myself the customary flogging for falling short of my unatainable, superhuman bar I have set before myself,  I was reminded of the great men and women of the bible who fell short.  The disciples were the last guys you would expect to be picked and yet they were.  Poor Peter I always feel so sorry for him as we read where he proclaims Jesus is the Son of God!  How he passionately proclaims he would never deny the Lord, and yet very shortly after he does not once, not twice, but three times.  I want to weep with him as he realizes he has done the very thing he wanted not to do.  I know that place I have been there!  I have lived that aweful moment so many times.  I had this!  How did I …. I think we have all been there.  http://biblehub.com/niv/mark/14.htm He was scared…he reverts to old programing… and on Peter “the rock” I will build my church.   So I got to thinking may be I should give myself a break, God has been choosing me since the beginning.  Maybe he chooses us that fall so much because we understand falling, failing?  Because we know what it’s like to be at the bottom, to feel like a total failure, and we know how to come back and try again!  Isn’t that what this whole glorious week is about?  Our saviour taught us how to be down for the count, have no one believe in you, have everyone say oh she’s just ________…

Psalm 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. KJV http://biblehub.com/kjv/psalms/30.htm


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This entry was posted on April 20, 2014 by .
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