Spirituality, Liturgy and the Tao of Inner Peace
Have you ever lost faith in yourself? Have you ever felt left out?
My family is very strong. Here are just a few examples: My maternal grandfather was incredible, he walked out of his share-cropping family one winter without a coat and travelled many miles to join the Army, fight in WWII and change our whole family forever. His wife, my maternal grandmother, lived her whole life with the use of only one arm and never complained or let anything or anyone stop her from doing and functioning like a woman with two good arms. My paternal grandmother went back to college in her 40s, when her husband became disabled, earned a library science degree at the University of Alabama, and supported her family in a time when men where typically in charge. My mother is amazing, hands down she is the smartest person I have ever known, and even thought she faced sexism over and over in the work force she still made her way from an editor to the operations manager. She was in charge of overseeing the building of multi-million dollar facilities for her company. My father completed an electrical engineering degree, even when it was extremely difficult for him, and spent his career working on radar, rockets and missile defense and all sorts of stuff I could never understand. Last, but not least, my brother, he is a great person who is just a freakin bad @ss! He struggled through school with attention deficit issues, that really weren’t understood at the time, and then had to take the hard road learning through the school of hard knocks. Despite that, he persevered through working multiple jobs, including many that were labor intensive to get to the good job he has now. He found out how to harness his attention, owns his own company, works full-time and is a huge asset to his community through his volunteer work. I love them all very much and most importantly, I admire them.
Just one problem, I am not strong, at least not in the same way. I have always been a bit odd to my family, they are all strategic thinkers, I am more of a heart in hand. I was always emotional, and I remember them looking at me like a cow eyeing a new gate growing up. My father said once, “Just because you’re crazy Cameron, doesn’t mean we don’t love you.” LOL This was in part because, I cry, like a lot, I let things and people hurt me, I hang on to bad people and situations much longer than I should because of my tender heart. I get depressed, and sometimes that depression shuts down my whole operation, meaning I would just rather go to bed than to work. Where they so easily see the thing to do and to get rid of, I hang on. I am an empath. Truthfully, as I write that, I can see their collective heads cocking to one side and saying “huh?” I feel not only my emotions but also all the emotions of those around me, as if they are my own. These things make me feel weak and less-than when I compare myself to the giants of my family.
I have been feeling this way for a while, and honestly asking myself “What is wrong with me??” Why God am I the weakest link? I was walking around my kitchen pondering these thoughts and talking to God, as I do on a regular basis, when He reminded me of the story of David, you know one of the Kings in the Bible.
If you don’t remember or haven’t heard it, let me refresh your memory: In the Old Testament there is a story of a Judge and a King, Samuel and Saul – God tells Samuel to go and see Jesse’s sons for there is one there that will take the place of King Saul. Samuel does as he is told and the father brings before him his eldest son, Eliab and the story goes that he is tall and noble looking, but God says this is not the one. God tells Samuel not to look upon the physical appearance, but rather the heart. Each of Jesse’s sons are brought before Samuel and none make the cut…so Samuel asks “Do you have any more sons?” I can almost hear the father saying, “Only the weak youngest one that’s a sheep herder.” That turns out to be David, and sure enough he is God’s chosen one. God in this story was not looking for the strong brave older brothers, he was looking for the one with the heart. What better love story could I have asked for from my God? I melted.
So I go back to my first question, Have you ever lost faith in yourself? Have you ever felt left out? Maybe you are not the athlete that your friends are, or the smart one in the family, maybe you feel there are so many prettier than you and that’s hard. Maybe, that’s because God has a different plan for you. Maybe, just maybe, you are David in your story, not big and tall, not the first in battle, but strong of heart and able to sooth the spirit. I do not have the outward strength that I admire so much in my family, but I am the one who can sing a song to the dying, make a friend with a stranger, and help those who are heartbroken, because I know how it feels. God made me for a special purpose that cannot be compared with the purposes of others. Truthfully, when I compare myself to others, I am denying the greatness that He created. There is only one me, and I have to be the best me, I can be. You have to be the best you, because you are the only YOU we have on the planet.
God gives each of us special gifts and talents, don’t diminish yours by wanting someone else’s! You are beautifully and wonderfully made, never forget that, and never forget you are loved.
Go in Peace to be the best YOU!